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| | |-+  So my sister is extremely pissed off at me....
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Author Topic: So my sister is extremely pissed off at me....  (Read 622 times)
Frostburg
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« on: November 26, 2017, 08:51:19 PM »

So this past week we have been on Thanksgiving break at my University. Well, I've had a crapload of assignments to do over break. Several research papers, a major project, lots of online homework, and a powerpoint presentation to prepare.  So I have been trying to juggle all of this, but have been slaving away non-stop all break. I am looking forward to a break from this break.

Well, I was supposed to go visit my sister for Thanksgiving dinner, and she had prepared an impressive spread for Thanksgiving with my favorite foods. Well, with deadlines and everything, I had to cancel on her the morning of. So I sat at home, eating spaghetti instead of Thanksgiving dinner while working on a research assignment, and now she won't talk to me.

Any advice from people here?
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kfeltenberger
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« Reply #1 on: November 27, 2017, 05:32:56 PM »

Apologize and tell her the truth, then offer to take her (and her husband/bf/family) out to dinner.  Be contrite and sincere.
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Kurt
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« Reply #2 on: November 27, 2017, 05:35:34 PM »

And whatever you were going to spend on her Christmas gift, double that
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Aussie E
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« Reply #3 on: November 27, 2017, 08:54:17 PM »

As a foreigner it's just a day like any other. Sounds like you have your priorities right, there will be many more. Apologize and move on.

AE
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RabbitSlayer
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« Reply #4 on: November 29, 2017, 12:18:35 AM »


My advice?
Spend as much time as you can with friends and family, one day when you get older.. You won't regret the time you spend enjoying life with others, but you will regret all the time you spend working and being alone.
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Frostburg
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« Reply #5 on: November 29, 2017, 04:36:45 AM »

Iím in college. If only it were that easy. Trust me, I wish I had more time with others. School obligations often have me studying well until 2 AM. Iíve given up on a social life. I might actually have to break it off with a girl I really like because I canít balance things outside of that.  Thatís the most depressing part.  I canít wait to be finished with this crap and actually maintain a normal relationship. I only have til May til I finish, but that feels like a billion years away.
« Last Edit: November 29, 2017, 04:38:36 AM by Frostburg » Logged
ttarp
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« Reply #6 on: November 29, 2017, 06:18:38 AM »

If thats really the way it is you might as well just send a card and avoid talking to her until you've finished.  Provided of course, that you don't end up finding something else that takes up all your time once school is finished, I'd advise not making yourself too busy for family a habit.
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Frostburg
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« Reply #7 on: November 30, 2017, 01:13:15 AM »

Once I graduate from college, Iím gonna make my time my own. Right now Iím just running on the treadmill until I get to that finish line. I hate not having my time be completely my own. Whatever job I get once I graduate has to be flexible, and atleast no more all nighter study sessions!
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Desert Kraut
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« Reply #8 on: November 30, 2017, 01:00:47 PM »

Just an observation Frostburg. You sound pretty driven, and that once you are out of school, you will probably focus on your career with the same intensity you are putting on school right now.  Please try to include family time in your schedule. You will regret it in the long run if you don't. Speaking from personal experience.

Hope I am not getting too personal. Just sayin'.
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Frostburg
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« Reply #9 on: November 30, 2017, 01:09:00 PM »

Nah, I donít mind the personal commentary. With the way my life goes, Iíll take all the advice I can get, lol.
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kfeltenberger
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« Reply #10 on: November 30, 2017, 08:49:39 PM »

Just an observation Frostburg. You sound pretty driven, and that once you are out of school, you will probably focus on your career with the same intensity you are putting on school right now.  Please try to include family time in your schedule. You will regret it in the long run if you don't. Speaking from personal experience.

Hope I am not getting too personal. Just sayin'.


I'll second everything Desert Kraut said.  I look back now and realize that so many family members have passed on, some well before their time, and I regret that I didn't take more time to spend on "family" instead of "work".

Plus...it's the Christmas season; the 45 days or so when all my regrets and would-a, could-a, should-as come to the surface.
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Kurt
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« Reply #11 on: December 01, 2017, 06:53:41 PM »

Family will always be there for you, work/study hard today and you will be able to spend more time with them later in life after you graduate and get a good paying job.

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Leonitus
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« Reply #12 on: December 06, 2017, 09:56:45 AM »

Surprised he doesnít understand......give her time, sheíll get over it
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BellatorInvictus
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« Reply #13 on: December 06, 2017, 12:33:36 PM »

Here's my $0.02. Also, trigger warning, but I give you this advice genuinely out of a desire to open your eyes and help you.

If you have a girlfriend that you really love, don't break it off because you need more time for schoolwork. You will regret that one. Good, attractive, single women are rare and difficult to find. There may seem to be plenty of them when you're in college, but once you get out into the real world, they're usually already taken as competition is fierce. Like anything in life, if it's valuable, it's hard to get. So stop letting school work make you feel so overwhelmed that you sacrifice relationships. You think good grades are going to make you happy long run? You think it's necessary to get all As in order to get a great, high-paying job? Not true at all. And relationships are what really make us happy. They must take priority.

Your sister was obviously hurt because you put schoolwork above family. If you had gotten your schoolwork done earlier, you would have been able to spend time with your family. No one likes being canceled on at the last minute. And it sounds like your sister put a lot of time into preparing things for this. Yes, college can seem overwhelming, but it's mostly a mental game. Some people obsess over their grades and spend hours and hours on an assignment that someone else gets done in a fraction of the time and receives a similar grade. Why is that? They don't take it all so seriously. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself, and you may actually work more effectively.

You need to remember the end goal of all this for your life. Why are you even in college? For the sake of getting 4 years older and having a degree? Unless it's absolutely essential for the career you've chosen, a degree often means nothing. Are you even sure you're going to like the career you've chosen? You're making this huge investment of time and money by going to college--I hope you know what you're getting yourself into, especially if you have student loans...

You need to see a return on your investment--especially an investment that is starting to damage your personal relationships, which, again, are the substance of what will make your life happy. You can have a crappy job and still be a happy person if your relationships are fulfilling. You can have the best job on the planet, tons of money and stuff, pride in your accomplishments, and be absolutely miserable if you're alone and have no friends or family.

Make your choices very carefully in life. Sometimes we only get one chance with people, even family. If we burn them, they never let it go and things are never the same. You can screw up in school, fail a class, miss a deadline, etc. and always make it up. Always get back up and try harder and do better the next time. But if you screw up a relationship, it stays damaged forever, even if the person hopefully forgives you. So be careful with what you're doing, lest one day you find yourself alone and unhappy.

FWIW, I went to college and studied a subject I found fascinating. Stayed up until 4, 5, 6am regularly every week for months on end to get straight As. I worked harder than any other student in the entire college, and I'm not joking about that. Stayed up all night Fri, Sat, and Sun to study, rather than go party or hang out with friends. Everyone else was having fun while I was working tirelessly and being miserable, but I was driven because I thought getting straight As was my ticket to grad school and having the career of my dreams. The years in college passed very quickly, and I missed many fun moments and potential relationships that I'll never get a chance at again. I graduated at the top of my class, valedictorian, with a 3.99. Applied to 14 Ph.D. programs and got rejected from them all. I ended up being accepted for an M.A., and became a teacher. For all those years of work, I made $30k a year and I was miserable in the job I had. I left teaching after just a few years because I couldn't afford to have my own apartment AND pay my massive student loans. I moved back home, ended up working for a temp agency doing menial labor making $10/hr for a year after that. Going to college, sacrificing my relationships for straight As, in the end basically ruined my life. I have so much debt from going to a private college that I can't afford to have my own house at 32 years old. Thank goodness I can live at home because it's the only way I can afford to actually start digging myself out of this hole. I thought I would get a good job because I had good grades and an MA. Not true.

Dealing with the miserable monotony of the real world has taught me that nowadays, skills are far more important than education. I just hope you know what you're doing so you don't end up in my situation, friend. If you weren't already in college, I'd tell you to avoid that nonsense like the plague (UNLESS you're positive you want to be a doctor, lawyer, or engineer), and tell you to go to a trade school instead.

Only recently have I been hired as a machine operator in a factory for $17/hr. I'm teaching myself to be a machinist (AKA skilled laborer), and I've started my own business. I'm working to build up my relationships, friendships and hobbies once again, and for the first time in the last 3 years, I'm starting to feel like there is a light once more at the end of the tunnel. But I have dealt with some serious pain thanks to college, so I am very quick to tell people about my mistakes in the hopes that they don't make the same ones.

So don't allow yourself to become so focused on one thing that you lose sight of everything else. And NEVER sacrifice your relationships. You should put the same intensity into building your relationships that you put into studying, learning new skills, building a business, etc.
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kfeltenberger
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« Reply #14 on: December 06, 2017, 08:50:47 PM »

Here's my $0.02. Also, trigger warning, but I give you this advice genuinely out of a desire to open your eyes and help you.

<snip>

This post sums up a lot of good hard earned lessons and is something I wish someone would have told me 30 years ago.  Our society has become so materialistic that we have begun equating possessions and wealth with happiness, and the reality is that once the glitter wears off and the reality sets in, life is a very cold and lonely place without genuine happiness...and "things"aren't happiness.

Looking back on the past three decades, I put too many things in front of friends and family and right now, I'm paying the price.  Relationships that should have been made back then to be with me now aren't here and as a result it's just me and the dog...and in 20 years I'll probably be that old guy sitting on a park bench where the highlight of his life is talking to the squirrels because of choices I made so long ago.

I guess what I'm saying is that school is important, but friends and family vital.

Kurt
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Kurt
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« Reply #15 on: December 07, 2017, 03:03:33 AM »

Well said!
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Leonitus
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« Reply #16 on: December 07, 2017, 09:50:20 PM »

A degree is a piece of paper, a sister is blood.
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Frostburg
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« Reply #17 on: December 07, 2017, 11:15:44 PM »

Here's my $0.02. Also, trigger warning, but I give you this advice genuinely out of a desire to open your eyes and help you.

If you have a girlfriend that you really love, don't break it off because you need more time for schoolwork. You will regret that one. Good, attractive, single women are rare and difficult to find. There may seem to be plenty of them when you're in college, but once you get out into the real world, they're usually already taken as competition is fierce. Like anything in life, if it's valuable, it's hard to get. So stop letting school work make you feel so overwhelmed that you sacrifice relationships. You think good grades are going to make you happy long run? You think it's necessary to get all As in order to get a great, high-paying job? Not true at all. And relationships are what really make us happy. They must take priority.

Your sister was obviously hurt because you put schoolwork above family. If you had gotten your schoolwork done earlier, you would have been able to spend time with your family. No one likes being canceled on at the last minute. And it sounds like your sister put a lot of time into preparing things for this. Yes, college can seem overwhelming, but it's mostly a mental game. Some people obsess over their grades and spend hours and hours on an assignment that someone else gets done in a fraction of the time and receives a similar grade. Why is that? They don't take it all so seriously. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself, and you may actually work more effectively.

You need to remember the end goal of all this for your life. Why are you even in college? For the sake of getting 4 years older and having a degree? Unless it's absolutely essential for the career you've chosen, a degree often means nothing. Are you even sure you're going to like the career you've chosen? You're making this huge investment of time and money by going to college--I hope you know what you're getting yourself into, especially if you have student loans...

You need to see a return on your investment--especially an investment that is starting to damage your personal relationships, which, again, are the substance of what will make your life happy. You can have a crappy job and still be a happy person if your relationships are fulfilling. You can have the best job on the planet, tons of money and stuff, pride in your accomplishments, and be absolutely miserable if you're alone and have no friends or family.

Make your choices very carefully in life. Sometimes we only get one chance with people, even family. If we burn them, they never let it go and things are never the same. You can screw up in school, fail a class, miss a deadline, etc. and always make it up. Always get back up and try harder and do better the next time. But if you screw up a relationship, it stays damaged forever, even if the person hopefully forgives you. So be careful with what you're doing, lest one day you find yourself alone and unhappy.

FWIW, I went to college and studied a subject I found fascinating. Stayed up until 4, 5, 6am regularly every week for months on end to get straight As. I worked harder than any other student in the entire college, and I'm not joking about that. Stayed up all night Fri, Sat, and Sun to study, rather than go party or hang out with friends. Everyone else was having fun while I was working tirelessly and being miserable, but I was driven because I thought getting straight As was my ticket to grad school and having the career of my dreams. The years in college passed very quickly, and I missed many fun moments and potential relationships that I'll never get a chance at again. I graduated at the top of my class, valedictorian, with a 3.99. Applied to 14 Ph.D. programs and got rejected from them all. I ended up being accepted for an M.A., and became a teacher. For all those years of work, I made $30k a year and I was miserable in the job I had. I left teaching after just a few years because I couldn't afford to have my own apartment AND pay my massive student loans. I moved back home, ended up working for a temp agency doing menial labor making $10/hr for a year after that. Going to college, sacrificing my relationships for straight As, in the end basically ruined my life. I have so much debt from going to a private college that I can't afford to have my own house at 32 years old. Thank goodness I can live at home because it's the only way I can afford to actually start digging myself out of this hole. I thought I would get a good job because I had good grades and an MA. Not true.

Dealing with the miserable monotony of the real world has taught me that nowadays, skills are far more important than education. I just hope you know what you're doing so you don't end up in my situation, friend. If you weren't already in college, I'd tell you to avoid that nonsense like the plague (UNLESS you're positive you want to be a doctor, lawyer, or engineer), and tell you to go to a trade school instead.

Only recently have I been hired as a machine operator in a factory for $17/hr. I'm teaching myself to be a machinist (AKA skilled laborer), and I've started my own business. I'm working to build up my relationships, friendships and hobbies once again, and for the first time in the last 3 years, I'm starting to feel like there is a light once more at the end of the tunnel. But I have dealt with some serious pain thanks to college, so I am very quick to tell people about my mistakes in the hopes that they don't make the same ones.

So don't allow yourself to become so focused on one thing that you lose sight of everything else. And NEVER sacrifice your relationships. You should put the same intensity into building your relationships that you put into studying, learning new skills, building a business, etc.

Wow.... 

That's pretty heavy. Especially since I can identify with parts of your post concerning college. I guess I never considered that I might have fewer options in the future, post graduating, or that things might not work out so well, or that the things I put off in college, I might regret later. It's kind of terrifying hearing your story. Definitely something I'm gonna think about over this upcoming Winter Break.
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Frostburg
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« Reply #18 on: December 08, 2017, 12:19:28 AM »

And you know what? I actually seriously considered dropping out in the middle of my Junior year when an exceptionally heavy semester was putting severe strain on a different relationship back then. She was great, but I literally had zero time for her each week. I only stuck with it because all my professors told me that I should continue.
My current semester is ending, and I am expected to graduate after this final semester in May, so no point leaving now. But I will concede, that my quality of life, and relationships have suffered as a result of my time in college.

I wish I had heard your advice before. Most people only encourage you to finish, and that it will all be worth it when you do. Noone tells you the hard reality of the costs you will pay, and that sometimes those costs are real and lasting. Now I know my doubts were real, and not just imaginary.
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